Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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