he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
