playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he was CRYING into my vagina
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
