When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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