I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
