She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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