My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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