fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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