Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
