you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
