Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
