...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
