East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
