pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
