I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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