Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
