I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
