guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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