she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
