You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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