so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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