i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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