I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
