Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
