Define "chronic" masturbator.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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