i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
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