Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
