My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
