peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
