just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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