his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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