I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
