Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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