Tell her she can't have a vagina
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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