Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
how drunk are you?
Several
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
