Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
