just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
