i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
