Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
