I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
