i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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