Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
