Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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