sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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