if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
