now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Just invented taco cereal.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
