I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
