Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
