I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
