But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
