pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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