not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Randomize
