so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
