Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
