College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
