His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
