Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
